TGIF

I made it to the gym this morning, with the help of 2 alarms. Of course, it helped that I didn't sleep well, so I was already half-awake. Leaving that aside, I did my 300 workout today. I decreased the assistance on my chin-ups to 80 lbs (from 90 lbs), did 30 deadlifts with 110 lbs and 20 with 90 lbs; did 50 box jumps nonstop, and 25 floor wipers. Let me pause here and say that floor wipers are NO JOKE. My legs felt like rubber, and my abs were on fire. After that I did 25 sit-ups. The workout also includes 50 push-ups, and 50 dumbbell clean & press. Great way to start my morning! I also found out that the lemon cookie that I love so much is 310 calories, with 44 g carbs & 9 grams of fat - all saturated. The funny thing is that now that I know exactly what it consists of, it will be harder for me to just kind of chalk it up as a treat. I must enter it into my food log, and it will affect my macros and calories every time I eat it. Hopefully, that will be a deterrent. One more day until the July challenge is over - tomorrow I must be a good girl and refrain from all things resembling treats so that I can have the minimum weigh-in possible. Up at 7:30 tomorrow for a cardio workout. Off to bed now!

Props

I have to give myself props today, because I resisted the dark force of cookies! Actually, even before that, I made a good choice. I overslept and missed my workout this morning (which was ok, because I got good sleep), and was in a rush. I brought protein powder with me to work, expecting to mix it with some milk. But there was no milk! There was, however, a chocolate chip cookie cake (yum)... I surely did consider eating some for breakfast. I literally pulled it out of the fridge at least 3 times today, but I managed to put it back without indulging.

I checked the freezer, which is chock full of carbs, and saw some breakfast patties, which have lots of protein. Although I didn't particularly want that, I ate it, and felt good knowing that it was a much better choice than my (tastier) alternatives. Then, later, I resisted the temptation to swing by whole foods for a cookie, and passed up a cookie from the place where I bought my lunch, which I almost never do. The day was not a complete success, but I did a few things right, which I am proud of. I am really trying to just hold on until Sunday, because my weight is finally on a downward turn, and I want to keep it going. It's unrealistic, but I'm hoping to break through the 160's this week, and that will only happen if I do the right thing.

Out of the Loop

I just took a stroll through some blogs, which I haven't really had much time to read over the past couple of days, and it makes me feel a bit better about where I am. I can't say that I'm completely off the wagon, but I'm not exactly riding high either. There's a slippery slope that I've started down. I discovered these really tasty lemon coconut cookies, and I've had 1 every day this week. Naughty naughty! I haven't been diligent about keeping track of my calories. Funny, last week it was the workouts that got the short end of the stick, and this week it's the diet. That's not to say that I ate perfectly last week either. Anyway, I know what the problem is - I don't have a plan! I have wavered between a few different regimens, and I am not really solid on what I'm doing right now. I am one of those people who needs a plan, or I'm just a mess. Usually this is something I do on the weekends, but if I don't harness my cookie cravings, I will gain weight instead of lose it, and that's no good. So... I need to get my act together. It also doesn't help I guess that I've got lots of different things going on personally, lots and lots of change on the horizon, which makes me have trouble sleeping, which leads to less resistance to bad food. What a tangled web...

I did, however, make it to the gym early this morning, in spite of a virtually sleepless night. And I plan to bang out some cardio first thing in the morning, and again at night. So at least I'm doing something right I suppose....

On the Right Track

Unlike last Monday, I made it to the gym today. The weightlifting portion of my workout was cool, it was the cardio that kicked my butt. I remember when I first started doing HIIT on the treadmill back in April. 7.0 was my high intensity speed, and I felt like I was going to fall off the treadmill any minute. Now I do 7.0 (it still kicks my ass), but it's much easier, and I can do it for longer (2:00 intervals instead of 1:00), and my recovery intervals are shorter too. I like the little things that let me know that I am making progress, even when the scale doesn't cooperate. :)

Do Better

So, yesterday I did the 300 workout again. Last time, I left out the push ups & box jumps when I was detailing the workout. But just in case you missed it, here's the breakdown:

25 Assisted Pull-Ups - 90 lb assistance
50 Deadlifts - 110 lbs - 20/90 lbs - 30 (heavier from last time)
30 Push Ups
50 Box Jumps
20 Push Ups
50 Sit Ups
50 Dumbbell Clean & Press
25 Pull Ups - 80 lbs assistance

I did this in 33:00, which is 3:00 less than my previous time, in spite of the fact that I went heavier on the deadlifts. I am proud of myself.

Unfortunately, I didn't lose any weight this week. It wasn't a great week, on multiple levels. My eating was spotty, my exercise was spotty, i didn't get enough sleep by far... All I can do, though, is improve in the areas I can this week: eat better (more veggies, more protein, less junk) and go to the gym when I'm supposed to.

Visualize

So, I need to light a fire under my butt too. This has not been a good exercise week for me. Not only did I not make it to the gym this morning, I didn't get enough sleep. Not a good combination. Combined with the fact that I missed my workout on Sunday and skipped on Monday, I am not feeling very committed. But, I will go tomorrow morning and Saturday, and next week will be better. At least my eating wasn't too bad today. There is an orange soda in the fridge with my name on it. Let's see if I answer the call.

In the spirit of visualization, I put a picture of Serena Williams right at the top of my blog in an attempt to keep myself focused. Let's hope it works! Venus is my hero, but Serena has the body I want. I have accepted the various aspects of my body that won't change - my arms have been and always will be thick, but they can at least be defined & muscular. My thighs, also on the thick side, but again... they can be defined & muscular. I do not have delusions of body alteration - genes rule. I do, however, know that I can take my genes and work with them to create the body I want to have.

Last but not least, today I wore a skirt (size 12), that I bought about 6 weeks ago. Can we say... TOO BIG? I'm going to have to give it away, which is an ego boost but also a bit frustrating. But that makes it official - I have dropped 3 sizes so far. And sizes to go before I sleep. Yay me!

This One's for Kristen

This upper & lower arm sweat is the result of my cardio workout this afternoon. I had to post it cuz I know how much Kristen loves lower arm sweat in particular. I did double gym duty today, trying to make up for my slacker status for the past couple of days. Gotta lose some weight this week! And preferably more than .4 lbs. ;)
Last night I went out to a local event and saw a bunch
of people I haven't seen in a minute (that's slang for a long time). :) I remember when I had gained weight, I didn't want to be seen too much by people who didn't see me often. So it felt good to show up at the event, knowing that I looked at least as good as the last time they saw me. Meaning, some of them didn't know about the 40 lbs I gained, and they never will. That makes me happy, cuz it lets me know that I have been handling my business. And now I'm off to bed to handle the business of sleep so I can get up in the morning and burn some calories. Nighty night!

Inner Athlete?

It's been so long, I hardly know where to begin! (Sorry Billy) My eating has been far from on point lately. I even skipped my workout yesterday and traded today's workout for a small shopping trip. Bad girl! But tomorrow I will be at the gym, and at the track, trying to hold it down. I really need to go to bed, like an hour ago, so I can get up in the morning and plan my life for the next 17 weeks, since I officially joined the PN Body Transformation Challenge. Today was not a stellar start for that! The only thing I did right was my high-protein breakfast. I've been thinking lately (probably brought on in part by seeing my brother) about my body build and athleticism. I have never been athletic. I hated gym class. Found excuses to skip it. Was the last to be picked for teams like kickball. Did I mention I hated gym class? Yet, over the past few years, I have found myself interested in all kinds of athletic endeavors. I have taken a couple of boxing classes (real boxing, plus numerous variations on tae bo and the like), tried to do rock climbing (liked it but the schedule didn't work for me, plus I was at my highest weight then and felt a little, shall we say, HEAVY). Just about every type of class my gym offered I tried. I have a constant desire to try new sporty things, even if I am not sure whether or not I will be good at them. I bought a tennis raquet last week and am looking into joining some type of league and finding a way to incorporate it into my fitness regimen. Training for a 10K starting in August. I'm starting to think that maybe, after all these years, there is an athlete in me somewhere. Perhaps my reluctance to participate in gym class and my lack of skill at certain activities had less to do with my actual innate ability and more to do with my body image and the fact that I am not good at everything. I am definitely not one of those 'natural' athletes who excels at everything they do. I have no aim, I suck at pool, bowling, basketball... However, I am starting to come to grips with the idea that I am good at something, I just have to find out what it is.

On the weight loss front, I have had a few bad days. Lots of things have taken me off my regular routine. I'm not worried, cuz I know my level of commitment to working out and getting where I want to be. I have a lot going on right now, lots of impending change in my life, and truth be told, it feels like a lot. A whole hell of a lot. Enough to show up in my dreams and slow down my ability to fall asleep. But I refuse to succumb to the pressure. Or, to let my weight loss/fitness goals fall by the wayside. I know that we have all continued to lose weight while life is happening around us, and I guess this will be a test for me. Plus I still have a bunch of weight to lose to lose my 10 lbs for July.

Kick Ass Workout

Today I did the 300 workout again. Um.... WHOA. It took me 4:00 longer than last time, but I increased my weight on pretty much everything I did. Here's the breakdown:

Deadlift - 110 lbs - 15/ 90 lbs - 10/ 70 lbs - 25
Box Jump - 5 risers instead of 4
Sit Ups - I did actual sit ups instead of crunches
DB Clean & Press - 15 lbs (up from 12.5 lbs, and I did the press this time)

Well, needless to say I was sweating like crazy, and my heart rate even got up as high as it gets from running up & down the stairs 7 times. But it was nice to see that I did more this time, whether I got stronger or just had the potential to do more last week. Regardless, I had a good workout.

On another note, I have had two compliments that I must share:
I had to get 2 shots yesterday, and I asked whether I could still lift weights. The nurse asked me if I am a personal trainer. Moi?! I'll take it! And a young lady that I haven't seen at the gym in a while said I am 'much skinnier', and 'half my size'. Awe, thanks Veronica!

Quitters Never Even Try To Win...

When I first started losing weight, I was afraid that I was not going to see it through. I knew that I wanted to lose (gulp) 60-70 lbs, but I thought that I would lose maybe 20 lbs or so and then quit. As you can see, I have not done that. In retrospect I'm not exactly sure where that fear came from, because I am NOT a quitter. In fact, my most heartbreaking struggles have come as a result of not knowing when to quit, or knowing when to quit and feeling such a profound level of commitment and responsibility and guilt that I didn't quit soon enough. Anyway... I have been considering entering the PN Body Transformation challenge, but have been a bit reluctant. Part of my reluctance, I have realized, comes from my fear that I will quit. On the other hand, I know that the challenge itself will motivate me to really push myself. Accountability is a strong force for me (notice the 10K that I posted specifics about for, yup, you guessed it, accountability). I am pretty much at a weight where I existed happily for a couple of years of my adult life. It might be easy for me to rediscover that happy existence and stay at a slightly chubby weight. But let me tell you, being forced to post pictures of myself on the Internet for the perusal of perfect strangers who might say 'i don't really see a difference' after 17 weeks, will motivate me to do whatever I need to do to get the job done. So, I'm thinking I'm gonna suck it up, pay the $100, put myself out there and go ahead and join the challenge. I have until Monday @ midnight to decide, so we'll see...

On another note, today was a poor eating day. Probably a C-. Gotta do better. Eating enough protein would be a GREAT start. Tomorrow's another day!

My New Hero

OK, I just have to say that Venus Williams is my new hero. I am no tennis aficionado, believe me (although I did buy a raquet the other day), and I have only paid a little above minimal attention to the Williams sisters. However, Venus' recent Wimbledon win caught my attention big time. For her to come from 23rd (or something like that) to win Wimbledon, setting a record for the lowest-seeded female to win Wimbledon... now THAT is next level badass. To serve 124 mph serve at match point?! WHOA!! And the crazy thing is, she believed she could do it the whole time, regardless of her ranking. She says she never doubted herself. Apparently her parents basically instilled in her (and her sister I assume) from an early age that she could win Wimbledon, and she has never doubted it. I just think that the power of a positive self-image is amazing. Not that cuz you think it it happens, like my church background teaches. But because when you believe you can't be beat, you don't let anything beat you. It may knock you down, but it won't keep you down.

I was reading a John Berardi article about what it takes to be a champion, and he says that research has found that people who overcome obstacles all have a positive self-image in common. I believe it. How many things have we not even attempted because we believed we would fail? How often does fear of failure stop us from even leaving the bench? I know before I joined Weight Watchers and started to lose weight I would hear people talking about losing weight, even small amounts, and say to myself 'I can't do that'. I don't know why I thought I couldn't. Obviously I know now that I can. And ironically, losing weight helped me get myself together to apply to grad school and just generally have a better self-image. Not because I'm smaller (although that does help), but because I now have under my belt a brand new accomplishment. I realized that I have it in me to discipline myself, get up & work out, follow an exercise & diet regimen, and do all the other stuff that has been required for me to lose almost 40 pounds. And you know what? I'm proud of myself, dammit! And we should all be proud of ourselves, whether we've lost 4 or 40 pounds, or pushed through to the other side of other difficulties. YAY US!!

Life is Better...

1) When you poop. I know it's gross, but one thing that I have paid more attention to since I have started losing weight is my poop. After a bout of being clogged up due to (i think) too much iron, I really value going to the bathroom.

2) When you wear your glasses. Of course, that's for me, who is supposed to wear glasses. I went to see Transformers the other day with my bro & sis, and I kept thinking how much better it was to watch with my glasses on. Who knew?!

3) When you sweat. Regularly. Yes, Kristen, even on your lower arms. :) It feels so good to go home sweaty, after you just pressed past the limits of what you felt like you could do, or felt like doing.

4) When you're in control of food. Not that you don't eat/drink what you like in moderation. But when you just eat too much of stuff that makes you feel bad, you feel... bad. About yourself. And you physically feel bad. It's just bad. I still eat stuff that I like sometimes, but I feel better that it's only sometimes.

5) When you sleep. Last summer, I was working 4-6 overnight shifts/week, plus my regular afternoon job, and I lived on about 4 hrs of sleep/day. Sometimes, no sleep. Life is SO much better when you sleep! Last summer, I put on about 20 pounds, and I'm convinced that my lack of sleep had something to do with it. Of course,not as much as my daily breakfast of Dunkin Donuts, cinnamon buns, or Burger King. Plus my dinner of Burger King, or the Chateau, or a steak & cheese, or pizza... I'm sure you get the point. Now I can say 'i want a coffee', and know that I don't have to have one, and I will be ok. And that makes life better. :)

Progress

For the past week or so, I've been exercising at the track - running/walking and running up the stairs. The stairs is big fun - 1:30 intervals of running, with walking and sometimes push-ups in between. At first, I could run up the stairs 6 times, maybe 7. Now I'm running a consistent 8, and my heart rate doesn't get up as high, which means it's actually gotten easier. And running is the same way - I have to run faster to get my heart rate up as high, and it doesn't take as long for it to come back down. Nice to see progress.

I did a '300' workout the other day - 50 reps each of 6 different exercises - deadlifts, push-ups, sit-ups, chin-ups, box jumps, dumbbell cleans. I thought it would take me a long time, but it only took me 32:00, which was surprising. I actually did 20 90-lb deadlifts, followed by 20 70-lb and 10 50-lb. I remember when doing 12 deadlifts with a 50-lb dumbbell was extremely taxing. Yay me! And when I got on the bike I realized that I had to push up my level toget my heart rate up as high, which was also cool. So basically I'm saying that my cardiovascular health and strength is growing, which is a nice feeling. For me, progress is what it's all about.

I saw my brother today (yay brud!). The first words out of his mouth were 'what's up skinny?'. Say it again Stinky, say it again! Now, skinny I am not, nor ever will be, nor desire to be, truthfully. But I will not deny that it felt good to have my brother, who is a man of few words, call me skinny. It's funny, cuz I was a bit worried - what if he can't tell I've lost weight since the last time I saw him? I'm gonna create a new goal - develop muscles that impress my brother on at least 1 place in my body. Nothing like a compliment from my older brother to motivate me!

Rebecca's Fitness Journey

For me, weight loss is not just about weight loss. I had an extremely difficult 18 months, which resulted in a 40 lb weight gain. When everything else in my life was spiraling out of control, I lost control of my eating. Well, I gave up control. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I didn't have the emotional energy that is required to be self-disciplined. So when I decided to walk into a Weight Watchers meeting last September, I wasn't just making a decision to lose weight, I was taking my life back. Now, when I look in the mirror, the physical evidence of my struggle is gone. Of course, I bear the internal battle scars, and people who know me well can see them. But I am proud of the person that I have become. I have learned lessons about myself, relationships, and life overall, that I wouldn't trade anything for.

This blog chronicles my journey to fitness, and it encompasses far more than the scale. I didn't start Rebecca's Fitness Journey to be a part of a weight loss support group. Although I appreciate the encouraging comments and the support, I will not censor my blog. If its content doesn't fit someone else's perameters, that's ok. I will continue to have a blog, and I will continue to lose weight.

I just want to give props to my friend who just had a (cute) baby boy. She has been very concerned about losing her baby weight, and she has done a good job. She told me that she uses him to do squats and bench presses. Now, there is a perfect example of 'where there's a will, there's a way'. I appreciate the fact that she is doing what she can with what she has, and it's that kind of determination that will help her to be successful in her weight loss journey. That's what I'm talkin about baby! ;)