A New Experience

So, don't laugh (my brother already did), but today, after lifting weights for about 10 years, I used the squat rack for the first time. Sad, but true. I just used a barbell for my squats, which meant that I needed help lifting the weight, until someone shed light on that contraption that I saw everybody else using. So today, I used it. It will take some getting used to, because the bar is SO long. I kinda felt like I was crooked, since I was doing jump squats. On my good mornings I felt like I couldn't straighten up with the bar on my back, but I'm hoping it will just take some getting used to. But it definitely made it easier for me, and I could load more weight, obviously. So, today was a milestone in my fitness journey.

I started taking creatine last week, and so far I haven't lost any weight, but I have maintained and I do feel stronger, which is a good feeling. This whole weight loss thing is weird. I've lost 35 pounds, but sometimes I still look in the mirror and wonder 'did I really lose weight?' Even when I put on old clothes that hang on me, or wear clothes that used to be too tight and now fit, I still wonder. The truth is, I'm now at a weight where I stayed for at least a couple of years and was satisfied. Now, I'm totally dissatisfied. I don't even really admire my progress anymore, I just think about how much time it's gonna take me to lose my last 15-20 lbs, what size will I be and what will I look like when I get there.

I realized that losing the weight I have lost was a self-esteem builder, which is great. Before September, I had never made a decision to lose weight and actually seen it through. I've wanted to lose 20 lbs for as long as I can remember, but I never had any deliberate, sustained weight loss until now, and it's a great feeling - when I feel it. Anyway, that's all for now.