Tempo

Today I did a tempo run. I walk/jogged 1 mile, ran 3 miles, and then jog/walked 1 mile. I had a goal pace for the middle 3 miles, so it forced me to work harder to try to make sure I hit the goal. I did. I actually ran faster than I was supposed to. It was a strange experience though, forcing myself to jog really slow. The whole pacing myself thing? No, not my strong suit. But I did it, and the point is to get faster. While I was jogging, I wondered what someone would think if they saw me. And then I thought - you never know where someone is in their journey. Looking from the outside is just such an insufficient way to judge someone, cuz you don't know where they've been or what they're working on. Me? I'm working on getting faster. Strangely, to get faster, I guess I have to train myself to go slower sometimes. Funny how that works.

I was thinking today that I work hard. Right now, I have a lot of work to do. My internship, where I spend 24 hours/week, is hectic and tiring. I am very focused on my school work, and it consumes the vast majority of my weekend. I'm tired. Sometimes I feel isolated & sad. There is a time when I wouldn't have admitted my fatigue to myself, out of fear that the admission would paralyze me. Now, I can say 'I'm tired, I don't feel like [fill in the blank - running, reading, writing this paper, getting out of bed]', and do it anyway. And you know what? I'm realizing that it's actually a better feeling to push myself to do what I don't feel like doing, than to be in denial about how I feel. Just trying to keep it real I guess.